Originally posted 29th September, 2008
I know I really shouldn't, but this time, I really just couldn't help myself. Sorry...
Bobby's latest profile: http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/606/U13454481
Relevant reading: http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/606/A41575232
I find it absolutely incredible that there are so called 606 users doubting Bobby Heenan's world-class WUMming talents. Bobby Heenan has not been consistently at doing his best wind-ups for the last few weeks partly due to Bobby repeatedly getting his profiles banhammered, to the eternal credit of the moderation team, who in this are helping make 606 a much better place.
Bobby Heenan is an absolute phenomenon and in my opinion he is talent wise the best WUM in the world. If Bobby Heenan is deployed in his proper role complaining of the link between Pelé and Nelson Mandela and Satan just as how Nick Griffin, Bernard Manning and Fred Phelps do in front of much larger audiences then we really would see Bobby Heenan become an absolute legend and the Daily Mail and BNP would really benefit.
Bobby Heenan's jingoism, arrogance, poor grammar, idiocy and general WUMming is of the highest order and although the likes of hateglazer, spurs_hart_lane and Ar5enalwin have outshone him over the last few weeks I'm not at all convinced that they are superior WUMs to Bobby Heenan. It's like when the likes of Russia, China, Uganda, Cambodia, Nicaragua, Colombia and Iraq were totally outshining Chile's human rights abuse record in the 1970's prior to the 1973 Pinochet Coup and Pinochet had a very poor record of massacring peasants between 1970 and 1973 as Division General and General Chief of Staff. The political purist knew that Augusto Pinochet was far better at killing socialists than the Contras et al and he subsequently proved it with his incredible success with the Caravan of Death and Operation Condor.
Bobby Heenan has the raw talent to really take 606 and indeed, the world by the scruff of the neck and really propel both himself and small-minded bigotry to incredible levels.
Lets not forget Bobby Heenan is the man who took 606 by storm and threatened until his banning to drive everyone absolutely insane single-handedly just as similar to how Augusto Pinochet won the governance of Argentina in 1973.
Bobby Heenan is an absolute phenomenon and I have absolutely no doubts that this bloke can really get banned at least thirty more times this year and if ever there was to be a solution to 606's lack of bigotry then it surely is Bobby Heenan.
We should never under-estimate the phenomenon that is Bobby Heenan and I am just so glad that he posts on 606 and the Arsenal board especially.
Appreciate Bobby Heenan and support him because he is a phenomenon quite unlike
...the original article ended prematurely there. One can only assume he had a massive Thatcher-induced crotch-spasm and collapsed.
I'm amazed at how long this has lasted :)
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Arsenal Squad - General Opinions
Originally posted 2nd October, 2008
In this, I want to judge the Arsenal squad and give them a sort of rating out of ten. Now I gather this is generally a very subjective and arbitrary process, so I've tried to include a criteria, that while still open to opinion, is fairly tenable in real terms.
That criteria is the quality of their haircuts.
I mean, what more would you expect from a bunch of jessies? :)
Manuel Almunia: What was he thinking? Grey rinse, knacker 'tache and stubble? Looks like a crossbreed of a Basque goat farmer and an Irish used carpet salesman. Score: 2
Lukasz Fabianski: Sadly, dropping Almunia is rendered out of the question by the backup being similarly poor - a pudding bowl/emo-kid fringe combo. Score: 3
Bacary Sagna: Techincally, has no hair. But you gotta make an exception for the most famous hair extensions in the Premier League since Victoria Beckham's. Legendary. Score: 8
Kolo Touré: Hmm, another questionable cross breed here - an afro with an undercut? It's hard to intimidate opposing strikers when they can't take your hair seriously. Best hope they fall over laughing. Score: 4
William Gallas: A thug's haircut, a stubby mohawk, gloriously appropriate for a man who spends most of the game staring at his defensive partner like he wants to bury an ice pick in his skull. Score: 6
Alexandre Song: Until someone definively proves otherwise, I'm sticking with the theory that he's had a pineapple bush surgically implated into his skull. Score: 7
Mikael Silvestre: Grouper fish don't have hair, apparently. (Source: Wikipedia) Score: 0
Johan Djourou: Nice, simple and no-nosense. The beard is a nice touch too. It goes well with his ear-rings. Score: 8
Gael Clichy: Henry-esque. Score: 7
Abou Diaby: Bald, which is probably a bad call, given his small and round head. Bit like Vieira, really. Shame he can't tackle like him though. Score: 3
Cesc Fabregas: Appears to have murdered Pippo Inzaghi and is wearing his scalp as some kind of gory trophy. Score: 1
Tomas Rosicky: At this stage, can anybody actually remember what he looks like? Score: 5 (guess)
Samir Nasri: Traditional and unimaginative, but as the "New Zidane", the spiky style should add a new trick to his armoury. Score: 7
Denílson: Attempting to emulate the Gilberto of last year by not knowing how to pass, shoot or run, and by having really, really dodgy hair. Score: 2
Emmanuel Eboué: Goregous. Beautiful. Magnificent. A lesson in barbering. And you wouldn't want to say anything other than that to his face, either. Score: 10
Eduardo da Silva: I'm pretty sure that's a dead marmot. Score: 7 (I like marmots, okay?)
Robin van Persie: A bit dodgy, also resulted in him being sidelined for four weeks. Score: 5
Carlos Vela: Like Eduardo, except without the boon of an endless supply of dead rodents. Score: 4
Theo Walcott: Seriously lad, if you're going to try to grow facial hair, it helps if you've hit puberty first. Score: 3
Emmanuel Adebayor: I preferred the days when he had bad hair and could score, to be honest. Still, you can't deny the quality of that man's barnet. Score: 8
Nicklas Bendtner: I don't know, he looks a bit like a ruffian with this hair. Still, it's better than his shaven headed look, where he looked like a ruffian with alopecia. Score: 5
In this, I want to judge the Arsenal squad and give them a sort of rating out of ten. Now I gather this is generally a very subjective and arbitrary process, so I've tried to include a criteria, that while still open to opinion, is fairly tenable in real terms.
That criteria is the quality of their haircuts.
I mean, what more would you expect from a bunch of jessies? :)
Manuel Almunia: What was he thinking? Grey rinse, knacker 'tache and stubble? Looks like a crossbreed of a Basque goat farmer and an Irish used carpet salesman. Score: 2
Lukasz Fabianski: Sadly, dropping Almunia is rendered out of the question by the backup being similarly poor - a pudding bowl/emo-kid fringe combo. Score: 3
Bacary Sagna: Techincally, has no hair. But you gotta make an exception for the most famous hair extensions in the Premier League since Victoria Beckham's. Legendary. Score: 8
Kolo Touré: Hmm, another questionable cross breed here - an afro with an undercut? It's hard to intimidate opposing strikers when they can't take your hair seriously. Best hope they fall over laughing. Score: 4
William Gallas: A thug's haircut, a stubby mohawk, gloriously appropriate for a man who spends most of the game staring at his defensive partner like he wants to bury an ice pick in his skull. Score: 6
Alexandre Song: Until someone definively proves otherwise, I'm sticking with the theory that he's had a pineapple bush surgically implated into his skull. Score: 7
Mikael Silvestre: Grouper fish don't have hair, apparently. (Source: Wikipedia) Score: 0
Johan Djourou: Nice, simple and no-nosense. The beard is a nice touch too. It goes well with his ear-rings. Score: 8
Gael Clichy: Henry-esque. Score: 7
Abou Diaby: Bald, which is probably a bad call, given his small and round head. Bit like Vieira, really. Shame he can't tackle like him though. Score: 3
Cesc Fabregas: Appears to have murdered Pippo Inzaghi and is wearing his scalp as some kind of gory trophy. Score: 1
Tomas Rosicky: At this stage, can anybody actually remember what he looks like? Score: 5 (guess)
Samir Nasri: Traditional and unimaginative, but as the "New Zidane", the spiky style should add a new trick to his armoury. Score: 7
Denílson: Attempting to emulate the Gilberto of last year by not knowing how to pass, shoot or run, and by having really, really dodgy hair. Score: 2
Emmanuel Eboué: Goregous. Beautiful. Magnificent. A lesson in barbering. And you wouldn't want to say anything other than that to his face, either. Score: 10
Eduardo da Silva: I'm pretty sure that's a dead marmot. Score: 7 (I like marmots, okay?)
Robin van Persie: A bit dodgy, also resulted in him being sidelined for four weeks. Score: 5
Carlos Vela: Like Eduardo, except without the boon of an endless supply of dead rodents. Score: 4
Theo Walcott: Seriously lad, if you're going to try to grow facial hair, it helps if you've hit puberty first. Score: 3
Emmanuel Adebayor: I preferred the days when he had bad hair and could score, to be honest. Still, you can't deny the quality of that man's barnet. Score: 8
Nicklas Bendtner: I don't know, he looks a bit like a ruffian with this hair. Still, it's better than his shaven headed look, where he looked like a ruffian with alopecia. Score: 5
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
The Battle of Helm’s Deep: A History
Originally posted 14th October, 2008
For those of you who wish to see the battlefield on which this gory encounter unfurled, look yonder http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/606/F11276164?thread=5916405
Once upon a time, a long, long way away, there was a kingdom known as 606. This nation was ruled by the arbitrary and iron-fisted judgements of a cabal known as “The Moderators”, who had deposed and brutally murdered the last legal claimant to the throne.
The Moderators oppressed the citizens horribly, executing men, women and children for breaking laws that they so casually disregarded themselves. They allowed a tribe of wicked salesmen, the WUMs, to pillage and rape as they pleased. Many spoke of rebellion, but few had the means.
One day, this changed irrevocably. A young man from a foreign land, going by the name of Ian Selley Ate My Hamster rode in one day atop a white stallion, and decried The Moderators abuses of power. He instilled a new hope in the people of 606, and upon hearing his words, thoughts became action, and under the leadership of local magnate Arsenal – Beer – The Wife – In That Order, the men of 606 joined him in open insurrection.
Word soon spread, and many more inhabitants of 606 marched out to join them, too numerous to list here. They moved rapidly, occupying Helm’s Deep, the great Fortress of Solitude. From here, they sallied out, raiding the lands around the Moderator’s castle of Feedback Thread. However, one man, Dublin Gunner, feared a trap, and stayed behind. He was proven right, but when he saw Magnum P.I fall, he rushed forth himself to join the battle, chastised that his cowardice had caused his comrade to suffer such terrible wounds.
The Moderators counter-attacked, and all seemed lost until Magnum P.I returned, vanquishing all who stood in his path. Fleeing before his fury, The Moderators abandoned Feedback Thread, causing the rebels to cry victory.
However, this overconfidence would be their undoing. Ian Selley Ate My Hamster went out to secure the nearby villages and encountered a massive Moderator army marching to crush them. Arsenal – Beer – The Wife – In That Order and Dublin Gunner rushed back to re-enforce Helm’s Deep, while Ian Selley Ate My Hamster barely escaped with his life.
A hail of arrows rained down, and once more Magnum P.I fell, before Arsenal – Beer – The Wife – In That Order was wounded trying to rescue him. AussieLegend was also wounded, but managed to retreat further into the keep to avoid capture. Nikefan also was hurt at the doors of the fortress, but was dragged inside by his comrades.
The survivors fled into the forests, realising the situation was hopeless, with the fortress overwhelmed and set alight. Sadly, the day’s butchery was not over. The Moderators found a wounded Magnum P.I, and when he refused to surrender, shot him full of arrows from a safe distance, like cowards do. Arsenal – Beer – The Wife – In That Order was overtaken by cavalry, and although he slew many a man, was eventually lain low himself, his faithful ally Theo Bacary Kolo Gael Van Fababayor perishing at his side. Dublin Gunner and Wheezyisback hid in a hayloft, before it was set on fire by The Moderators after they were betrayed by a WUM. They rushed out, swords drawn, to die in a blaze of glory.
However, these delays provided by those who fell were crucial – they allowed many others to escape, to live to combat tyranny and oppression another day. May they rise again!
The Fallen
Arsenal – Beer – The Wife – In That Order
Magnum P.I
Dublin Gunner
Wheezyisback
Theo Bacary Kolo Gael Van Fababayor
The Survivors
Ian Selley Ate My Hamster
AussieLegend
AFCAndyB
Trigg_27
Junkyarddog123
Laugh_on
EIEwearetheherd
Wengersyouthproject
Sure Rosicky Looks Like a Hobbit But Sadly Not a Match Fit One
Nikefan
DoubleDoubleDouble
A Theo-sophical Discussion
The Ghost of Thierry Henry
RobinVanTastic
DaSilvaSurfer
DougCoglan
Sir Mixalot
Denchanter™
These men fought and died for your freedom! Never forget their sacrifice!
For those of you who wish to see the battlefield on which this gory encounter unfurled, look yonder http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/606/F11276164?thread=5916405
Once upon a time, a long, long way away, there was a kingdom known as 606. This nation was ruled by the arbitrary and iron-fisted judgements of a cabal known as “The Moderators”, who had deposed and brutally murdered the last legal claimant to the throne.
The Moderators oppressed the citizens horribly, executing men, women and children for breaking laws that they so casually disregarded themselves. They allowed a tribe of wicked salesmen, the WUMs, to pillage and rape as they pleased. Many spoke of rebellion, but few had the means.
One day, this changed irrevocably. A young man from a foreign land, going by the name of Ian Selley Ate My Hamster rode in one day atop a white stallion, and decried The Moderators abuses of power. He instilled a new hope in the people of 606, and upon hearing his words, thoughts became action, and under the leadership of local magnate Arsenal – Beer – The Wife – In That Order, the men of 606 joined him in open insurrection.
Word soon spread, and many more inhabitants of 606 marched out to join them, too numerous to list here. They moved rapidly, occupying Helm’s Deep, the great Fortress of Solitude. From here, they sallied out, raiding the lands around the Moderator’s castle of Feedback Thread. However, one man, Dublin Gunner, feared a trap, and stayed behind. He was proven right, but when he saw Magnum P.I fall, he rushed forth himself to join the battle, chastised that his cowardice had caused his comrade to suffer such terrible wounds.
The Moderators counter-attacked, and all seemed lost until Magnum P.I returned, vanquishing all who stood in his path. Fleeing before his fury, The Moderators abandoned Feedback Thread, causing the rebels to cry victory.
However, this overconfidence would be their undoing. Ian Selley Ate My Hamster went out to secure the nearby villages and encountered a massive Moderator army marching to crush them. Arsenal – Beer – The Wife – In That Order and Dublin Gunner rushed back to re-enforce Helm’s Deep, while Ian Selley Ate My Hamster barely escaped with his life.
A hail of arrows rained down, and once more Magnum P.I fell, before Arsenal – Beer – The Wife – In That Order was wounded trying to rescue him. AussieLegend was also wounded, but managed to retreat further into the keep to avoid capture. Nikefan also was hurt at the doors of the fortress, but was dragged inside by his comrades.
The survivors fled into the forests, realising the situation was hopeless, with the fortress overwhelmed and set alight. Sadly, the day’s butchery was not over. The Moderators found a wounded Magnum P.I, and when he refused to surrender, shot him full of arrows from a safe distance, like cowards do. Arsenal – Beer – The Wife – In That Order was overtaken by cavalry, and although he slew many a man, was eventually lain low himself, his faithful ally Theo Bacary Kolo Gael Van Fababayor perishing at his side. Dublin Gunner and Wheezyisback hid in a hayloft, before it was set on fire by The Moderators after they were betrayed by a WUM. They rushed out, swords drawn, to die in a blaze of glory.
However, these delays provided by those who fell were crucial – they allowed many others to escape, to live to combat tyranny and oppression another day. May they rise again!
The Fallen
Arsenal – Beer – The Wife – In That Order
Magnum P.I
Dublin Gunner
Wheezyisback
Theo Bacary Kolo Gael Van Fababayor
The Survivors
Ian Selley Ate My Hamster
AussieLegend
AFCAndyB
Trigg_27
Junkyarddog123
Laugh_on
EIEwearetheherd
Wengersyouthproject
Sure Rosicky Looks Like a Hobbit But Sadly Not a Match Fit One
Nikefan
DoubleDoubleDouble
A Theo-sophical Discussion
The Ghost of Thierry Henry
RobinVanTastic
DaSilvaSurfer
DougCoglan
Sir Mixalot
Denchanter™
These men fought and died for your freedom! Never forget their sacrifice!
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